Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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