There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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