What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
