so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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