when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
