My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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