I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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