Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize