we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
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she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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