it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
