so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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