i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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