who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
