I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
