went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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