woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
