Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
