You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.