Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people