Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
high people should be assigned attendants
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.