If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my poor anus
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
