Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
