so explain again why im purple
no
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
