She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
