I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
