If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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