that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
