he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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