she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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