Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
