Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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