i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
