Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The adults are the big ones right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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