i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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