Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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