Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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