Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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