I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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