oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
