Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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