I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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