Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
