I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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