Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
