I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
