the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
