12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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