and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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