I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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