I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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