imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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