You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's shark week go big or go home
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
