I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
