OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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