Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
