Your face is a jimmy john
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
