I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize