tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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