youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
