God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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