I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating