Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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