why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.