my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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