So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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