escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
