she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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