Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
