I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
