You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
